Stress Management
As college students and professionals, we all feel overwhelmed at times by the many stressors that accompany our success. To succeed, we must study for exams, write research papers, work in labs and clinical settings, etc.
I’m a nontraditional college student and have had many experiences that most of my peers have not. I’m older than many undergrad students, I have children, I left a military career after being injured during the Iraq war, and I am a former police officer who spent six years working in the most dangerous neighborhoods in Las Vegas. Those experiences forced me to develop a set of coping mechanisms which facilitated survival when dealing with literal life and death level stressors almost every day. Moreover, those experiences have helped me develop strategies to put my current academic stressors into perspective.
This article explains a four-part method I have used to address stress-related challenges. This method has allowed me to enjoy some of the most difficult moments of my life and has made these new stressors ephemeral to the point of irrelevance. I hope that sharing this method with you will better prepare you to face your unique life challenges.
Step 1: Be Grateful, It Could Be Much Worse
Most survivable situations in life could have been so much worse. We often dwell on small negatives without acknowledging the horrible possibilities we avoided. Try this next time you walk outside and see your car sitting in your driveway on a flat tire. Instead of screaming that your life sucks and that everything goes wrong, think about what could have been. Be grateful it went flat in your driveway and didn’t blowout on the freeway causing you to veer into oncoming traffic. Be grateful it went flat at home instead of in the middle of nowhere requiring you to change a tire in 110-degree heat with no water in sight. It went flat in your driveway, a place where you can change it then go take a shower and drink a glass of ice-cold water. Many small problems seem larger when they’re happening then they do when reflecting upon them later. When you recognize this, it will put a lot of those problems back into perspective. Those once infuriating situations will be only minor inconveniences.
Step 2: Set Long-Term Goals and the Short-Term Goals Needed to Achieve Them
When I feel overwhelmed by my workload and other sources of stress, it is often my most lofty ambitions that give me the strength I need to shake off stress’ malaise and move forward. Planning for your future gives your life purpose and purpose breeds motivation.
When there is an end in sight, you can hurdle obstacles that would have seemed catastrophic if your life was no more than surviving day to day with no plan, no mission, and no goal in mind. Imagine you are running an obstacle race. You are not told how long this race will be or how many obstacles you will have to overcome and there is no reward for finishing. You come around a bend in the track, slowing because you are tired and sore. Standing before you are three daunting obstacles. You do not know if these obstacles are merely three out of fifty and if there is one mile left in the race or twenty. You probably won’t have the motivation to keep going.
Now imagine that same race. But now you know that the prize for finishing is something that you can be proud of, something that will bring fulfillment to your life. Something like the career of your dreams. Not only is there an amazing prize for finishing, you also discover that there are only three obstacles in the race. The knowledge of the finite nature of your tribulation and the reward at the end would inspire optimism and strength rather than sullen resignation to defeat.
You can equate your college career to this obstacle race. When I feel like a class is asking too much of me, like the work will never end, I pull out my syllabus and check off the assignments I’ve completed (obstacles overcome). I see what’s left, then start those assignments immediately (obstacles remaining). Even if it’s just compiling articles I plan to reference in a research paper, taking the first few steps in the journey relieves much of the stress I felt moments ago when I felt like I was drowning in school work. What is left to complete may be a lot, but I know it is finite. Completing each assignment brings me one step closer to having my next degree, which brings me one step closer to having the career that awaits patiently at the end of this long, long road.
Step 3: Acknowledge and Analyze the Past
We all have different challenges in our past with which we still wrestle. It is easier to ignore past trauma than it is to face and work through it. But to learn from your past, you shouldn’t deny your memory of it, nor can you hide from the uncomfortable truths that comprise it. You must embrace your past – the mistakes along with your most grandiose achievements.
When you process your life experiences in this objective way, you realize that the negative events are over; they can no longer inflict new pain. You can learn to dismiss their erroneous nature as foolish errors of youth or acknowledge them as scars that need to heal. But these are wounds that you will no longer allow to fester. You can take back the control that you’ve given them.
See yourself as if you were a participant in the most honest longitudinal case study ever conducted. This separation from your current ego and fear allows you to look at embarrassing and painful moments objectively. Reflect on both the positive and negative aspects of your decisions. Learn from your mistakes and triumphs alike. Of course, our emotions can make it challenging to detach in this way, but it can be done; I do it. If you struggle with this, I suggest writing a narrative containing the major events of your life, then set it aside for a month. Read your narrative the following month as if you were reading the autobiography of a stranger. See how each of those events influenced the others. Think deeply about what advice you would give a friend or client if they were the person telling you that story. Not only can you learn from those positive and negative events, you can use the ones that were out of your control to put current hardships into perspective. Learning to overcome your past allows you to find the cognitive and emotional peace that you need to live in the moment.
Step 4: Living in the Moment
Now you have inventoried, analyzed, and accepted the past events that have coalesced to make you the person you are today. You also know the person you want to be. It’s essential to acknowledge the events that helped shape you and to consider what you have to do next to be the person you want to be; but it’s equally important to not become a slave to either of those aspects of your life. To avoid becoming bogged down by your past or future, yet still work towards becoming that person, focus on enjoying every second of your life like it is a gift.
Despite the big exam you are worried about in that class you dislike so much, enjoy the walk there. Smell the aroma of the freshly cut grass or the perfume of the flowers. Say hello to an old friend or flirt with that person you’ve always admired from afar. While walking to that test, anticipate the meal you will have after and when that times comes take your time and enjoy every bite. Live knowing that you will achieve your goals because you will work hard and earn them. But while you are working on achieving those goals, enjoy the journey for what it is, no matter where it takes you.
Ray López is a psychology major with a family studies minor. He returned to college after careers in the military and law enforcement which he left due to injuries sustained in the Iraq war. He is now in his senior year. He joined the Interactive Measurement Group in fall 2017. After graduation, Ray will pursue a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology. Ray’s ultimate career goal is to open his own practice where he will treat combat vets and first responders. He would also like to conduct research on trauma related disorders and phobias.