F(ailure): A Lesson Learned
Towards the end of each school semester, it is common to find college students calculating where their grades fall on the letter-grade scale. Students who put in the hard work are aiming for an A, while students who struggle just want to avoid a failing grade, such as an F. Unfortunately, during my second semester of college, the dreaded F left a mark on my transcript in my Applied Statistics for Biological Sciences course. That grade transformed the rest of my academic career.
During my first year in college, I was prone to procrastination and not doing homework. Procrastination had been a haunting nightmare since my high school years. This destructive habit was further reinforced when I managed to ace my tests with last minute studying. In addition, I would often skip my homework assignments because I considered them to be a waste of time and non-beneficial since I already understood the materials covered in class.
Not long into my second semester of college, the first statistics exam approached. Due to my arrogance, I underestimated the difficulty of the exam and received a score of 79 out of 100 points. To me, it felt like an unexpected rainstorm on a bright and sunny day because I usually received A’s or high B’s on my exams. However, what got me truly flustered was when I compared myself to everyone else around me. I heard murmurs of excitement throughout the room as my classmates reported their scores of 90 or more. Glancing around, I saw smiling students and brightly circled scores of 80 or more all around me. Jealousy and anger over my inferiority made me unable to concentrate for the rest of the class.
After that day, I was left with the fear that I would never do well in this class. Worse, I started criticizing myself for not being good. This class had forced me to look reality right in the eye and I was not sure what to do next. In hindsight, I should have worked harder for the next exam, but instead, I repeated this cycle: I procrastinated and then crammed again. On the second exam, I received a score of 77. Feeling totally defeated, I no longer wanted to be challenged. I was tired of being out of my comfort zone. I was tired of not seeing the scores I liked. Instead of realizing that I was not doing my share of work to fix the problem, I chose to give up.
When the semester came to an end and the dreaded (although expected) F appeared on my transcript, I had many choices left to make. I could have chosen to be indifferent about my F. I could have chosen to drop my major. Ultimately, I could have chosen to give up on my dream of becoming a physician. Overwhelmed with this endless array of defeating thoughts, I suddenly stopped myself and asked: “What am I doing?” and “Did I really expect the roads to be nice and smooth, especially this early on in my college career?”
After spending several days reevaluating my purpose, my goals, and my dreams, I realized I could not possibly give up my dream because of a single detour in my path. I decided to see this failure as a new beginning and an opportunity to improve myself. I decided to stand back up. First, I gathered up my courage to temporarily free myself from the emotional burdens of the dreaded grade. With a clear mind, I could finally see that it was not me who was not good; it was my terrible study habits that I needed to change. So, I began to strategize ways I could do this.
To correct my prior mistakes, I began to reorganize. The first thing I did was create a daily schedule in my agenda, consisting of all tasks needed to be done. That helped me focus on what I needed to do at each hour. If it was time for me to complete homework, I turned off electronic devices that would distract me, such as my phone. Sometimes, I would even ask my mom to take away my devices, so I wouldn’t get distracted. In addition, I turned off music to help me focus better. Creating a schedule to follow and taking away distractions helped me stay on top of my studies and broke my cycle of procrastination.
With these valuable lessons learned and the significant study habit transformations I made, I managed to exceed my expectations in Organic Chemistry and other difficult upper division biology courses. In addition, I felt more confident in tackling difficult classes because I was more prepared. Eventually, I even retook the statistics course I failed and this time I aced it.
Looking back on this part of my life, I understand the importance of staying on top of the learning materials and doing homework. Without procrastinating, I feel more prepared and less rushed as the exam date approaches. By staying on top of my work, I have the chance to build up my understanding for that day’s lesson and feel less confusion when the teacher introduces the next lesson. If I am not sure about what went on in the lecture, doing the outside reading and homework clarifies my problems and helps me absorb the information at my own pace. In addition, it gives me a chance to effectively understand and completely explore the more challenging topics.
Furthermore, I learned that it is important to not compare myself to others and to focus on my own struggles and accomplishments. When I compared myself to my peers on our test grades, instead of feeling motivated, I became jealous and discouraged. That’s when I realized that comparisons are pointless because we are different people with different abilities. It is much more helpful when I focus my effort on changing myself for the better.
Equally important, I can’t always be in my comfort zone. I must learn to step out of it, be brave, and conquer unfamiliar obstacles. Up until this point in my life, I had always aced classes because I was familiar with the course materials. For all this time, I was in my cozy comfort zone, leading me to overestimate my abilities. When I experienced statistics for the first time, I felt challenged and afraid, and I acted cowardly. However, I eventually realized that I cannot improve if I stay in my comfort zone and refuse to challenge my weaknesses.
It is also essential to not criticize myself for not being good at something that I am not familiar with because, as my mom said, no one can excel at something new on their first try. At first, there might be some stumbles, but I know I should never give up. I should keep on pushing and challenging myself, adjust to the situation with my best efforts, and turn the failure to my favor.
Even though there is an F on my transcript, it reminds me to never hide or run away from my failures. Instead, I should accept each failure, learn from it, and do well from this point on. Failures are inevitable, but they do not define my entire life. With what I learned from my failures, I move forward shaped by these experiences into the person I am today.
Ying Huang joined the Interactive Measurement Group in Fall 2017. She will graduate with a major in biological sciences and a minor in psychology in Spring 2019. After graduation, she plans to go to medical school to pursue a career in either Obstetrics or Psychiatry.