How Overcoming Challenges as a Non-traditional Student Set Me Up for Future Success
Picture me – mom-ish clothes and a few gray hairs – walking into the campus ballroom full of incoming students much younger than me, all there for the University of Nevada, Las Vegas (UNLV) orientation. I remember nervously looking around at my classmates and wondering if I should have looked up the newest fashion trends before attending this event! Because most college students graduate in their early twenties, I felt out of place as a single-mom of four returning to college to complete my bachelors’ degree. Over the next few months, I experienced many challenges that traditional students do not have to face.
One challenge I faced was the way un-planned parenting responsibilities disrupted my school-related time management. For example, one morning I was on track to make it to my first class of the day for the required daily quiz. I had created a plan with an 8:15 AM car-loading time as the starting point of a chain reaction to get me to class on time: Load the car, drop the kids off at school, drive their duffle bags to their dad’s house for our co-parenting swap, drive through morning traffic to campus, find parking, then walk to class. Ten minutes before it was time to get in the car for this plan to kick off, my nine-year-old exclaimed, “Mom, it’s picture day!” I had missed the notice from the school. I quickly curled my daughters’ hair, helped them pick out fancier outfits, and got them to school looking like their best selves. But I was late to class. And this type of scenario repeated itself in the beginning of my first semester back. I’m not a tardy person by nature – give me a baby with a nursing schedule, a toddler with a nap-schedule, and two school-aged kids with different soccer schedules, and I will make sure everyone in the family is where they need to be when they need to be there! But being a full-time student and a single mom was new. I felt discouraged by my tardiness – it didn’t feel like me. I doubted whether I was capable of being back in college at all.
After a few weeks of sporadic tardiness, I decided to trust my previous abilities to time-manage. I knew I had the “mom-schedule” down to an art and thought I should be capable of getting a functioning “student-mom-schedule” in place. I purchased an oversized paper family planner to hang on our wall in a highly visible area. I then set an alarm for myself for Sunday nights to plan out the full week and check the kids’ backpacks for fliers about upcoming school activities. Writing things on the planner helped me get an overview of the upcoming week and ensure I had sufficient wiggle room in the family schedule to address any last-minute kid-related needs. Writing out our family’s weekly plan on the planner also helped the kids become more aware of their individual activities and pay better attention to the clock. These changes really worked! I stepped up to an even better level of time management, which has since benefited me in my additional educational pursuits.
Another obstacle I faced when I became a full-time student again was parenting guilt. Parenting guilt for me was a feeling of doubt and sadness I had for my faltering family routines. Having to be at school for long hours challenged my previously set routines at home, and my parenting confidence fell under the guilt caused by this. For example, let me explain “the Tuesday night problem”. Tuesdays were my long days on campus. I had friends helping me with my kids’ after-school pick-ups and carpools to activities, but I’d come home from campus too tired to cook dinner. The kids and I began having cereal for dinner here and take-out for dinner there. These types of rushed and unhealthy dinners were not consistent with my goals for healthy and calming mealtimes in our home. I wanted to keep dinner time as special as it had been in the past, and I felt eating a balanced and healthy meal would be better for the kids and for myself. I became discouraged and doubted my parenting skills, and I felt guilty for the ways my schooling was negatively impacting my family life.
To tackle the parenting guilt caused by the Tuesday night problem, I reached out to trusted friends for advice. Some of my friends were also parents and had gone through similar situations. I asked them how to create healthier and calmer options for dinnertime, even with a hectic schedule. Using their suggestions, I was able to find a perfect solution. I started teaching my two older kids how to cook simple meals like pre-made lasagna with garlic bread and a bag salad. Before I left for the day on Tuesdays, I wrote out an easy meal plan and instructions for my older kids to follow, and I would come home to a warm healthy dinner and my kids’ smiling faces. I remember one instance when my older kids had set up table decorations and mood lighting, and they beamed with pride and silliness! I could hardly believe how successful our Tuesday nights ended up becoming after this. My older kids learned responsibility and the value of teamwork in our home, and our relationship strengthened. My younger kids also saw their example. I learned to trust my parenting skills and shed parenting guilt.
Looking back now, having recently graduated and been accepted into a graduate school program, I can see how the tools I gained through overcoming these two challenges will help me succeed in my future educational and career endeavors. Graduate school is challenging and there may be unique challenges of being a non-traditional student. But time management will be critical for navigating the hectic graduate student schedule, and parenting confidence – trusting that I will be able to make wise choices for my family – will be necessary for adjusting family routines to accommodate a more demanding program. With these skills and with an understanding that overcoming challenges brings additional tools for success, I feel well prepared to thrive in graduate school and accomplish my academic goals.
Susan Gleed joined the Interactive Measurement Group in the Fall of 2023. She graduated with her bachelors degree in psychology in December of 2023. She hopes to attain a PhD in Neuroscience or Psychological and Brain Sciences. Her end career goal is to be an expert researcher in the field of psychology or neuroscience.